Why I Strive for Work-Life Integration and not Work/Life Balance

Working from home and homing from work–the new normal.

Even as a boy, I felt there was something not quite right about hardly knowing my dad’s fellow partners and their families at the ‘big four’ accounting firm he worked at. Of course I knew a couple of the names and faces but that was about it. I felt they could organize some social events and such to intentionally bring their families together but hey, what did I know?

In fact, even now I wouldn’t be able to make out the wife of the senior partner when dad was deputy senior partner. The very kind, burly man’s children currently live barely five hours away from my family in the same country (Canada) but we don’t know each other well enough to even give the other an occasional ring. Oh wait, I got to talk to one of them once, when their dad was seriously ill and had been hospitalized in their town, but that’s been about it.

I think what I longed for, even as a boy, was a bit more of work-life integration, without even knowing that was actually ‘a thing’ or that such a term even existed. A feeble attempt at it has become largely known in the corporate space in recent times as “work/life balance” but what I speak of is more profound than that. How can anyone not see that there is a problem pitting “work” against “life” as if life doesn’t encompass work itself as well as one’s personal life, family and community? And it doesn’t have to be a zero sum game, work or die, inasmuch as there tends to be many tradeoffs.

BUY ONE, GET THREE FREE!

It’s a no brainer that having a bad home situation can adversely affect your professional performance and vice versa. Also, despite how stringent your personal health routines might be, your community relationships are a significant determinant of your mental and physical health, a 75-year study proves. Life is not as separate as we would like (or like to think). Somehow we know this when it comes to how something negative in one aspect of our life can spill over to botch another aspect but what if I told you that being a great dad can make you a better CEO or that the skills you use in your community can be a life-saver in some work project? Yeah, work/life balance isn’t the way to go; work-life integration is. I’ll tell you why.

Author Stewart Friedman concurs: “From years of studying people in many different settings, I have found that the most successful people are those who can harness the passions and powers of the various parts of their lives, bringing them together to achieve what I call “four-way wins — actions that result in life being better in all four domains.”  These four domains Stewart speaks of are illustrated in ‘The Integrated Life’ diagram below. He continues, “My research has shown that there are ways for everyone — from the managers of sales teams, to executives in government agencies, to computer engineers, to florists, to coaches — to achieve professional success without always having to sacrifice the things that matter in their personal lives.”

COVID-19 BLESSING IN DISGUISE

One of the gifts of the COVID-19 pandemic has been to not only highlight how important the place we call “home” is, but how it is central to our children’s formal education and our own professional lives. Heck, we’ve even done community, like church, from home! Online. This is perhaps the most physically integrated most people have been in their entire work lives. And those of us who like to keep everything prim and proper with no drama have had a really hard time.

I do a fair bit of social media. I find FaceBook much more integrated in terms of all four aspects of life than say, LinkedIn. Several times, I have seen people literally apologize and “make an excuse” or “make an exception” to post something faith or family-related on LinkedIn. I’ve tried to push those boundaries myself sometimes but it’s a weird, I must say. When I recently shared on LinkedIn that I daily run the daycare at home for the youngest ones of our seven children, I was really honoured to have one of my mentors, Bill George (Harvard business school professor and former CEO of Medtronic), affirm me as follows: “Thank you, Yaw, for being the authentic leader you are.” This must be why: Bill really believes, “For authentic leaders, being true to themselves by being the same person at work that they are at home is a constant test, yet personal fulfillment is their ultimate reward. Doing so will make you a more effective leader in all aspects of life“  (George 2015, 16).

WHERE THE RUBBER HITS THE ROAD

At a just-ended eight-week Family Foundations Mastermind I hosted, the prime place of family was underscored over and over again but by the penultimate session we needed to ‘get real.’ How do we do family well while keeping a demanding job, juggling community roles and trying to stay sane? This is where the rubber hits the road.

As I’ve stated before, integrity comes from the Latin root integritas which means whole, entire, undivided. On the other extreme are those who completely separate their professional life from other aspects of their lives. Then there are those who in the name of work/life balance, hop from one of the four parts to the other, trying to “fulfill all righteousness” and tick every box with as little guilt as possible. What I subscribe to and strive for is  integration. Bill is blunt: “To lead an integrated life, you need to bring together the major elements of your personal life and professional life, family and friends so you can be the same person in each environment” (159-160).

We’re striving for the word integrated rather than balance. Subtle difference, apparently, but HUGE. Stewart gets it: “The idea I think to replace work/life balance, which treats these categories as independent, is work/life integration. You’re treating yourself whether you’re at work or at play in basically the same way.”

BIG ROCKS FIRST

All the buckets don’t have the same weight. I believe we ought to carry the more important yet not always more urgent buckets of personal and family first, putting the big rocks in first as Stephen Covey would put it, and all the other things will be added to us as well. Easier said than done, but it must be done nonetheless.

My favourite corporate example of this is Nike CEO John Donahoe (former eBay CEO), when he was a consultant with Bain decades ago with a young family. I was most impressed about how he told his client, ”It is important to me to be doing this. I’m committed to working hard, but I can’t be there before 10am.” This is because he insisted on taking his children to school before heading to the client site. The result? Donahoe was amazed that his clients appreciated the choices he was making. “The client responded positively as he appreciated my commitment and contributions even more” he says. “I didn’t have the courage to think about it that way before. There’s an inclination in business to put on a tough exterior to give the impression that you have everything under control” (162).

Bill George reports that “Donahoe learned that the more he integrated his life and embraced his humanity, the more effective he became as a leader … by showing his team and clients his [priorities and] vulnerabilities, he discovered his teams performed better and his client relationships strengthened.” (162)

This is not to say it’s all easy; but it’s worth it–just like med school or doing an MBA. Hear Donahoe: “The struggle is constant, as the trade-offs and choices don’t get any easier as you get older. My personal and professional lives are not a zero-sum trade-off. I have no doubt today that my children have made me a far more effective leader in the workplace. A strong personal life has made the difference” (160).

To be whole (integritas), we need to integrate our personal , family, community and professional lives, not pit one against the other like ‘work/life balance’ suggests. Real life happens were all four meet and they can enhance each other. Indeed, they should. It isn’t easy. How do I know? I’m still trying. So should you. It’s worth it.

In my next blog, I will share a number of practical examples and ideas of how people have made life-work integration happen, and how my family and I have tried to, also.

References

Friedman, Stewart D. 2014. “What Successful Work and Life Integration Looks Like.” Harvard Business Review. October 07, 2014.

George, Bill. 2015. Discover your True North. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.

Getting DISCed is as Important as Getting Vaxxed!

The DISC is one of the best tools in Self-DISCovery in the whole wide world

It’s amazing how much most people know about subjects in our world, literally from Archaeology to Zoology, but very little or no ME-logy! In my book, Cutting a Straight Path: Leading with Self-Awareness, I ask these poignant questions:

• How can you live with yourself without knowing who you are?
• How can you be true to what you know little or nothing about: yourself?
• How can you succeed in life, self-actualize, without first becoming self-aware?
• How can you authentically lead others without first learning to know yourself?
• Have you ever felt frustrated why others are hesitant to follow your lead?

“Maybe it’s time to check yourself as a person and as a leader,” is my conclusion.  Yes, it’s about time! Indeed, the Chinese have a powerful saying, “Before preparing to improve the world, first look around your own home three times.” Forget about authentic living, let alone authentic leadership, without self-awareness! So welcome to home base. Self-awareness is the starting place of all true and lasting success.

SELF-DISCOVERY THROUGH THE DISC

Self-awareness comes basically by introspection (by ourselves) and feedback (by others). Both however, are greatly enhanced by assessment tools, just like magnifying glasses help us see tiny objects and the binoculars enables us to view distant things closely and clearly. I have found the DISC as an amazing personal assessment tool that is incisive and powerful in the quest for self-awareness. Since 1972 it has been used by over 50 million people to increase self-awareness, stimulate and guide growth and thus increase chances at personal success. It is used to engender teamwork, communication and productivity in the workplace. The DISC has saved many a marriage, including mine!

DISC assessments are used in thousands of organizations around the world, from multilaterals and multinationals to government agencies and Fortune 500 companies, nonprofits and small businesses. Recently, we were privileged to serve the Centre for Disease Control Foundation in Atlanta, USA with nearly 150 of these assessments as they train medical leaders in about 30 nations of the world.

SO WHAT EXACTLY IS DISC?

DISC is an acronym that stands for the four main personality profiles described in the model: (D)ominant, (I)nfluencing, (S)teady and (C)ompliant.

People with D personalities tend to be confident and place an emphasis on accomplishing bottom-line results.

People with i personalities tend to be more open and place an emphasis on relationships and influencing or persuading others.

People with S personalities tend to be dependable and place the emphasis on cooperation and sincerity.

People with C personalities tend to place the emphasis on quality, accuracy, expertise, and competency.

The DISC system we use at YAW PERBI in partnership with People Keys generates 41 personality blends from these basic four, just like many colours of the world are generated through the three primary colours. There’s one I used to coach international students in Canada that was limited to 28 personality blends. What we use now is like the difference between a regular car and a four-wheel drive. As they like to say at People Keys, “people are different, true, but they are predictably different.”

CONVICTION, VISION & MISSION

Our conviction at YAW PERBI is that  since every true and lasting success begins with self-awareness, then everyone must have easy and affordable access to self-DISCovery! ACCESS FOR SUCCESS, please! Everyone has a right to self-awareness. We need a DISC Revolution! 

Our vision is to see a world of awareness through every individual’s self-DISCovery. We are on a mission to democratize the DISC personality/behavioral assessment until no one is left in the dark. We want to recalibrate all leadership development to begin with self-awareness at the core through the Perbi Perspective DISC is a great start.

CHIEF CORNERSTONE FOR THE CHIEF-LEVEL LEADER

When you read my article on how I build leaders differently now (compared to 10-15 years ago), you will understand my seriousness about this issue of recalibrating all leadership development to begin with self-awareness. People have big, fat leadership books and terabytes of leadership materials and yet have next to zero knowledge of themselves. What sense is there in that? I was telling a certain Christian leader the other day that he can forget the list of a dozen books people typically ask me to recommend for leadership training and development. The only two books his emerging leaders need to learn almost everything they need to know about leadership are a self-awareness printout of their DISC assessment and the Scriptures. Every other book is garnishing.

In all the major success paradigms, praxes and paths—from Emotional Intelligence to Authentic Leadership—self-awareness is first base, the chief cornerstone. I increasingly get alarmed when I encounter C-level executives, both in the public and private sector, who have never taken a personality assessment like the DISC!

STRATEGY AND HOPE

Some say hope is not a strategy but I beg to differ. (I’ll leave that argument for another day, another blog). I have hope that together we can strategically exponentially multiply impact through an army of Accredited DISC Coaches and Certified Behavioural Consultants while significantly creating thriving businesses and income for all! Just like our governments wish to get everyone vaccinated, we at YAW PERBI desire to get everyone DISCed! The former may be controversial to some, but you had better not second guess the latter. Everyone has a right to self-awareness to grow and succeed. Would-be authentic leaders really have no choice in this primary matter. We need a DISC Revolution! 

P.S.

If you want to join the DISC Revolution by becoming an Accredited DISC Coach or a Certified Behavioral Consultant click here. Anyone who wants to get DISCed personally may start here.

Work harder on yourself than you do on your job.

Our sixth child, Nana Anuonyam, at work. She plays for work.

Over the last week, somehow this notion of needing to work harder on yourself than you do on your job has come up with two or three different coaching clients. For the CEO of a crucial agro business firm in West Africa, the financial services entrepreneur in Canada and the PhD-wielding academic on the east coast of the United States, the three reasons I’m about to share held true. It is true for you too.

For the record, I work hard and believe in hard work. I also work smart and absolutely promote the idea of brain over brawn anyway. Over a decade ago I came up with the phrase, “brain power pays; muscle power pains.” I subscribe to the Pauline exhortation that “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord and not for man.” So by all means, work hard and smart on your job, but work even harder and smarter on yourself.

Here are three reasons why:

1. WHO YOU ARE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT YOU DO

No matter how hard or smart you work, the instrument for the doing the do is you. If the input into you doesn’t match or exceed the output, that will soon be your undoing. Let me put it in a way one of my staff in British Columbia said it to me a few years ago: “If your output exceeds your input, then your upkeep will be your downfall.” Classic! Not only will you soon not be effective and efficient when your self input is less than your job output, it is unsustainable and you might end up becoming irrelevant. And sometimes, irrelevant not just in terms of knowledge and skills for a context that has progressed because you’re not healthy or even physically alive anymore–you killed the goose that lays the golden eggs!

Consider these sagacious words of educator Palmer Parker:

“When I give something I do not possess, I give a false and dangerous gift, a gift that looks like love but is, in reality, loveless—a gift given more from my need to prove myself than from the other’s need to be cared for…. One sign that I am violating my own nature in the name of nobility is a condition called burnout. Though usually regarded as the result of trying to give too much, burnout in my experience results from trying to give what I do not possess—the ultimate in giving too little! Burnout is a state of emptiness, to be sure, but it does not result from giving all I have; it merely reveals the nothingness from which I was trying to give in the first place.”

Remember, who we are is more important that what you do, because we do whatever we do out of who we are: our identity, character, values.

2. ONE MEANS A LIVING, THE OTHER MEANS A FORTUNE

Classic motivational speaker of blessed memory, Jim Rohn, poignantly put this in a way like nobody else has: “Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. If you work hard on your job you can make a living, but if you work hard on yourself you’ll make a fortune.” This statement, I believe, is a variation of timely advice Jim himself received from his mentor J. Earl Schoaf. Jim had heard him give the reason for why the job only pays the bills but the latter ends in billions: work harder on yourself than you do on your job; your income is directly related to your philosophy, not the economy; and for things to change, you must change.

From a one-year college drop out living from pay check to pay check as a stock clerk at Sears, this advice catalyzed a five-year mentorship of Rohn by Shoaff, encouraging him to develop himself and pursue his dream of a better life such that by age thirty one, Rohn was a millionaire! It was a really sad day when this motivator of motivators like Anthony Robbins, Less Brown, Brian Tracy and Denis Waitley, passed away in December 2009.

Friend, work harder on yourself–from your paradigms through your attitudes to your skills. It’s the software that you carry and apply to a variety of endeavours, not only your job, that will unlock abundant wealth and well-being.

3. JOBS COME AND GO BUT YOU’LL STILL BE HERE

Sometimes people leave jobs; other times jobs leave people.  In the kind of post-pandemic economies we have now, more jobs leave people than people leave jobs. Certain whole industries have been wiped out, for crying out loud! I’ve marvelled at how many pilots have been literally grounded and have had to find some other kind of livelihood. What if all you did was work hard on your job and never grew your other interests, talents and skills or even never networked beyond the ‘boys club’ in your profession?

When many years ago I decided to take the path of the risk of entrepreneurship rather than the ‘security’ of a regular paid job, some people who thought I was crazy later found out they had been crazy to think ‘owning a job’ was better than owning a business when in spite of their qualifications, loyalties and skills their jobs were cut. Former Microsoft COO, Kevin Turner, said it best: “The only job security we have is our individual commitment to personal development.” Your job today may not be there tomorrow–in fact your entire industry might not be there–but you will. Work harder on yourself than you do on your job forwhen tomorrow comes, your preparation will meet opportunity. That’s what they call success.

QUICK PRESCRIPTION

Do the following to ensure you are working hard on yourself for your personal growth and development: set aside a time for YOU, a ME time, everyday. Mine is 5-6am everyday during which I read my personal mission statement, review my goals, read for at least 15 minutes and express my thoughts and feelings in writing.

For all the coachees I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, each was working super hard at their jobs. It is my job to ensure that while they do that, they strive towards working even harder on themselves than they do on their jobs. There’s no great future for anyone without that.

I’m Coming Out

Unveiling the new me

I think I know what you’re thinking. I can bet someone’s humming Diana Ross’ 1980 scintillating song I’m coming out by now. It’s quite the hit. I love it. I’m not naive that it means different things to different people, especially the LGTBQ community. I am coming out alright but not that way. Let me tell you how.

RECEIVING A GIFT IN THE DARK

Imagine miners 6,500 feet (2km) underground more concerned about the dreariness of being in the belly of the earth than the prospects of oodles of gold ores or uranium deposits waiting to be excavated. There are treasures of darkness, riches stored in difficult places and tough times. Often we are preoccupied with the darkness or difficulty and fail to mine the gold therein.

Like many of you, the global pandemic has kept me grounded, literally. This is the longest I’ve stayed at home, ever!, for as long as I can remember. The lockdown months coincided with a four-month sabbatical from my presidency at ISMCanada, driving me underground. Among other things, I stayed away from FaceBook, Twitter and LinkedIn for almost the entire four-month period. Between the pause of a pandemic and the slowness of a sabbatical, in a mysterious way, I found myself again. I have had such quality family time with my wife of 14 years and six adorable children. There’ve been some good catching up times with my wider family, especially my dad (over Zoom). Friendships I lost 25 years ago have been restored, especially my fellow World Vision Youth Ambassadors from over 50 nations of the world. Companies I founded and neglected, like Mutual Medics, are being revived; my books that have been in demand yet out of print for years are being revised and republished… wow, this year of death has also been the year of resurrection.

Prominent among the treasures of this pandemic cum sabbatical year has been the realization that it’s about time I did less of the work of leading corporations and charities and rather focus on raising world class leaders among C-level executives who will go on to lead many good things and many great people. Of course, I’ve always mentored leaders along the way but I’m putting this on steroids now as well as a laser focus on the C-suite. For in the immortalized words of 19th/20th century YMCA leader and Nobel Peace Prize laureate John R. Mott, “He who does the work is not so profitably employed as he who multiplies the doers.” 

OFFERING A GIFT OF LIGHT

I have been blessed with a lot of leadership treasures I can offer to multiple C-level doers to exponentially build great organizations and societies, even nations. After nearly eight years as President & CEO of a Canadian organization with staff from coast to coast in the second largest country on earth (and in Australia), there surely must be something I can offer someone somewhere. When I think of the fact that at 30 years old I was already the Medical Head of a United Nations Level II Hospital in Cote d’Ivoire I wonder if there isn’t a Chief Medical Officer somewhere who could use my experience. They say ‘experience is the best teacher” but my dear father likes to add a caveat: “But the fees are high.” I can think of some CEOs who could use the benefit of my mistakes. Indeed, I would rather pay a few thousand dollars in coaching fees in exchange for a senior leaders’ experience than pay the price of a painful life lesson myself, some of which one may never quite recover fully from.

I remember a young African-Canadian who wanted to get back home to the Motherland to make impact. I am glad I was able to connect her to my large network of movers and shakers on the continent as a Fellow of the Africa Leadership Initiative (ALI). Needless to say, a Fellow gave her a soft landing and she began to make a dent in Africa’s largest economy. By extension, as a Fellow of the Aspen Global Leadership Network there’s literally no place the sun shines that I don’t know somebody or at least someone who knows somebody you might need. My role as a Lausanne Movement catalyst also gives me quite the reach on all six continents.

Even though I’ve been a speaker since my teenage years and been teaching leadership, especially John C. Maxwell’s content, since the early 2,000s (while still in medical school), in 2013 I took the time, trouble and some ten thousand dollars to become an official Certified John Maxwell Team coach, speaker and trainer. My love for leadership won’t leave me alone so I continued with a Masters in Global Leadership at Fuller. It wasn’t until later on that I realized the ‘happy coincidence’ that Fuller was my mentor John’s alma mater. Actually it’s funny how I found out. Dr. Villacorta, one of my professors (originally from Peru) invited me to play soccer with him on one chilly Saturday morning in Colorado Springs. In our casual conversation after the game, en route to the parking lot, that’s when that came up. Needless to day, I was very pleased that my steps had been ordered to Fuller! But I digress.

THE BLACK CARD

Yes I love to coach and train in all sorts of leadership genres but as a serial entrepreneur myself in multiple industries from real estate investment to education, business leaders are very welcome to learn from my few successes and many mistakes! As a Black man, the last four years have been particularly painful, fighting racial bias and injustice in Canada in court and witnessing the horror of systemic racism south of the border (in the USA). Hearing the U.S. president calling the nation of my birth a “shithole country” didn’t help the situation; it just added more gasoline to the flames.

I see how many Blacks cannot breathe (tribute to #GeorgeFloyd) and the impediments in the way of even Black executives in multinational companies. I desire to offer them leverage from my experiences. Having founded The HuD Group in Ghana at the age of 25 and grown it into a world class faith-based personal development and leadership training organization with operations in over 20 countries on six continents as its Global CEO, I am eager to particularly provide C-level executives of African descent with the paradigms, processes and tools necessary to maximize their potential, to be world class, take the world stage and make their dent in the universe.

Unveiling the new YAW PERBI brand for C-level executives, especially of African descent

Speaking of executive coaching in multiethnic and intercultural leadership, which is our current global leadership reality, need I say that I am the first and only Black president of ISMCanada and for four years led the English congregation of the Montreal Chinese Alliance Church?

FLESHING IT OUT

So a couple of weeks ago I came out of sabbatical with bang! I am systematically unveiling a new YAW PERBI brand as an Executive Education business that is into leadership development, management training and executive coaching. This coaching, authoring, speaking and training business under the name, YAW PERBI, specializes in everything ‘LIFE’ for C-level executives. LIFE is an acronym for Leadership, Integrity, Family and Entrepreneurship. All of this is interwoven with inspiration and with undercurrents of faith. While there will be physical and electronic products like books and online courses for purchase, this business will mainly be executive services.

In my next blog, I share the vision, mission, values, unique selling proposition and offerings of the new YAW PERBI brand. Did I say “I’m coming out?” Nay, I’M OUT!

Disrespecting Einstein | A note to HR bosses

Nobel Prize Laureate Albert Einstein (14 March 1879 – 18 April 1955) Photo credit: Perimeter Institute

Exactly a week ago, I finished two days of consulting for a flourishing company in Accra that was making two new hires. It wasn’t the first time I was coaching them through the hiring process and chairing the interview panel but this time there was an HR consultant who was excellent in putting everything together, literally setting the table for us all. Meticulous chap who knows his stuff! Because of a five-hour time difference between Montreal (where I’m currently based) and Accra, the 9.30am interview start on Zoom meant 4.30am for me. Well, whatever!

Everyone interviewed was a young, hope-filled university graduate, some as freshly minted as last year. I could tell the hope in their hearts and could see the fire in their eyes to ‘make it,’ here first and in the rest of life, of course! And in fact, they weren’t asking for too much. As usual, not everyone made it. Out of eight interviewees (and this was after whittling down several applications and getting the short-listed ones to fill out pre-interview questionnaires) we had room for just two.

POST MORTEM

Now here’s the kicker: the HR consultant’s drafted letter to this group who couldn’t be hired went like this:

Dear Candidate, many thanks for your patience and continuous interest in the role of __________ at __________. After thorough consideration, we are sorry to inform you that you were not successful. We take this opportunity to wish you well in all your future endeavours.

No. I couldn’t let that pass–precisely because of that phrase  have made bold above for emphasis. Words matter. So I asked him, politely, if we could put “you were not successful” in a different way, in a more positive manner? Eg. “Another candidate was preferred?” And that is what we did.

Even the CEO was touched by this. She responded, “Thanks so much for the feed back Dr Perbi. True. We are working with real people’s emotions and lives.” She then went on to recount something I had done in a previous search for a C-level executive for the same company. She wrote, “ I remember the special messages you sent to each one of the candidates who did not make it, accompanied by a summary of their performance [so they could improve, work on themselves] and a prayer for them during the previous selection process. I was touched and l believe most of them appreciated the gesture.” Indeed they had felt so valued and encouraged, some wrote back to say thank you! It almost didn’t matter that they had not been picked for the role. With that buoyancy, I bet they went on to be and do great things elsewhere.

DISRESPECTING EINSTEN

From time immemorial leaders have misjudged the capabilities and potentials of others; sometimes in an outrightly comical fashion (only on hindsight, of course!) When in 1898 Albert Einstein applied for admittance to the Munich Technical Institute he was rejected because (read this slowly) he would “never amount to much.” Consequently, instead of going to school he went to find work at the Swiss Patent Office where he was employed as an inspector and with his extra time, refined his theory of relativity. As they say, the rest is history.

MY POINT?

Ask yourself: how would I act differently if I knew for sure this was an Einstein sitting in front of me? People are not just human ‘resources’, like cogs in a wheel. They are human beings. They have emotions, identity and purpose. Each bears the imago Dei (the image of God) and in the phraseology of Büber, must be treated as a ‘Thou’; not an ‘It.’ If for nothing at all, in respect for their Creator and in honour of their boldness to apply, to step into the ring, to do something with their lives. You certainly don’t want to meet them somewhere else in life and be ashamed of what you thought of them, how you spoke to them or handled them. They might even be in a position to hire or fire you someday. You may very well be disrespecting Einstein.